Surprisingly, I had to answer..


Today in class we were asked by our english teacher to describe in a composition the person that influenced us over the years and made us what we are. Being asked this question I had to answer. At first it seemed easy, but then…writing about it got complicated. I couldn’t keep myself to those 120 words and after I presented her the first page, I continued the story for myself. I got hit by the memories and I couldn’t stop my hand from writing.

” I had those butterflies clenching in my belly, reaching through my lungs, blocking my words from spreading around. The fire was burning so that I could feel my skin boiling . The reflection of the flames burnt into his maroon eyes and all he could give me was silence. It was obvious we were nervous around each other. Mostly, I was. The chair he was standing on was hot and my uncovered legs started shaking as the wind blew like a quick tornado. He was still silent touching my hand in a gently was that all my insides got worm and loving. I wanted him but I was limited on touching him. I don’t know why but his body language made me feel that way.

After a few seconds the silence was covered by his words.

”I’m nervous around you and I can easily lose my words.” His outloud thought was an interpretation of my clenched stomach. I smiled as I  saw the flames in his eyes but the fire was shutting down. I wouldn’t let it die though because I knew that if it died, the heat will go away with it too and I’ll be lost in my nervousity. I stood up from his side and collected some wood which I threw with a quick move above the ashes. The fire got life again and for a second time we were lost in our silence.

He grabbed my hand and made me sit on his lap wrapping his hands around my belly. That moment I was reminded of Charlie in The perks of being a wallflower. As he said, that moment I felt infinite. I had everything but I knew that if I’d stand up I’ll lose it all. I had the warmth of his body and the lost-kid look on his face which hid so much pain. In a way I was pleased by the image of his face as it was an opportunity to see his true character, a deeply frightenned one. His every day joy and always smiley face didn’t convince me of  real happinness. On the contrary, I knew behind that smile was more than that.

That moment I saw it. I saw part of the kid that cared too much and had lost too much. That made him indifirent and myseriously attractive. I was surely one of his predators, drown in my own thoughts, locked in a cage of memories. His existence though was a motivation to find the key and free myself.

Today, I did it. I’m free from that steel cage, locked again though in a messed up world.”

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