Catharsis.

Standard

  10872591_303036319907440_1860260949_n
      The road got slightly uphill and the stars were fading away into the midnight sky. His shadow walked beside me, conversing and laughing with me until a sudden silence froze the scene around us. I was able to hear his heartbeat, the way it rushed then paused for a few milliseconds and then quickened again. It felt as if he was struggling to win a battle that was taking place inside him. A curious sensation overwhelmed me. I needed to know the strategy that his mind was plotting and perhaps more than that; I needed to know his soul’s secret. My eyes weren’t enough for such a deep inquiry so I looked at the stars, waiting for them to give me an answer to my torturing thoughts. The shadow disappeared as if he was afraid of my insane gesture. The arrogant smile that was drawn on my face pointed me as a woman of unsound mind. I had a bitter taste in my mouth and my hands were freezing. I was staring at a door that appeared miraculously before my eyes and the temptation to walk through pushed me closer to it. A certain warmth was floating towards me from whatever was behind that door. I was skeptic whether to cross the line or not as the thought of what’s hidden behind agitated me.

     You see; my shadow had left me. He was scared of coldness. The thought that I might leave him first pushed him away. I was trapped between his fears and my own demons that begged me to be sincere. The only way to make him come back to me was to step in my flaming hell and confess what I have done.
     Maybe that was the exit of my labyrinth. I had all my cards opened and even if the choice seemed to be his, it was actually mine because I had nothing to fear anymore. I knew that whatever I would choose my heart will be peaceful.

Viridis.

Standard

f3ac357fb9fc2fd88253bc694157f75b
There are nights we all desire more than a simple hug or a gesture of tenderness. We need a fragrance that can make us choke of its’ powerful properties. That kind of fragrance I had every night in my arms as the sun was hiding behind the navy clouds. Every time he touched my skin with his baldly lips, I felt his need of affection. I always have an image of his eyes in my mind; the way he laughs is melting my bones. His riddles are gently visible while his eyes are miraculously twisting of amusement. His lips are the last ones to show the great excitement that unfolds a depressive happiness.

     I am used to falling asleep after him so I have the privilege to watch over him while his subconscious unravels his deepest fears or desires. His arm is wrapped around me and I am stupidly smiling while his heart is beating either slower or faster than usual. That moment I felt a great pain filling my lungs and conquering my soul.
I am haunted once again by the ghosts of my past and their countenance reminds me of a brunette man. No matter how hard I tried to breath out every concern that tortured my heart, it was futile.
     Tonight the darkness is silent and catastrophic for my mental health. The wind has stopped fizzling and the air I am inhaling is burning my insides. I feel every suffocating emotion submerging me and his absence keeps my demons alive. I shall fall into deep sleep now. All I need to see is the dazzling sun to give me hope.

Memories tied with ribbon.

Standard

1508999_779698515377344_358155234_n
    I plucked my index finger and I felt nothing. I had a feeling of numbness, as if someone injected me with morphine. My mind though was flicking ashes of some old memories, unwrapping them like they were tied with ribbon, then taking one by one out of their boxes and putting them side by side. After a couple of minutes, they were all put in pain sequence, firstly the ones that hurt most and then the less worrisome. Apparently, the alcohol was doing its’ job so I had to hurry before its’ effect will be gone. My memories sat on a continuous strip and my mind, as a machine, did the processing. Suddenly, it stopped. I heard a loud command coming from underneath, somewhere on the left part of my chest. My heart screamed.

     She wasn’t prepared for such a savage experimentation on her needs. I plucked my little finger this time and it felt as if plucking my soul. Then I remembered the words. ”You don’t know what you want.” For a second or maybe more, I wondered if that predication was true. Obviously it wasn’t. I laugh at myself when saying this but maybe you will understand. How can I pronounce myself to a person that wishes to become part of my life and tell him that what I truly want is completely different? Others will judge me for not telling him the truth. Can I be excused for not choosing to be cruel with another human soul?
     The ribbon was still untied, the boxes empty and my memories aligned like soldiers prepared for inspection. My heart was still quarreling with my mind, both having my soul sitting on a bench, staring at them desperately and deeply hoping that my heart will win. So she did. The alcohol tormented no more my veins and I was back to my senses. How was that really? Don’t ask me. I just chose to let my heart continue what she was already doing. Loving. She never stopped. Why would I make her stop now?