I have to talk about it. I have to think about it. I have to decide on it. I have to and all I wish is that I hadn’t.
There is that nod again; a feeling that I haven’t felt for a long time. It’s suffocating. That would be the perfect description for the way my insides are twisting up to my lungs. It bitters me to admit that I feel caged again. I want to break free but my heart stops me.
I am sitting on the corner of the bed, inhaling polluted air, imploring my thoughts to stand down for a bit and give me piece. You’re having your usual pause from any noise that may come out of your mouth. I have been wasting saliva for so long and with it, I wasted myself.
I am in deep waters, swimming, hoping that my miserable soul won’t lose control.
I want to be free and I want to be me. That’s what I said.
You didn’t hear me. You heard another story.