February.

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The darkness has fallen softly; the humidity in the air should feel suffocating but surprisingly, it doesn’t. On my table there is an object that indicates the greeting of Spring. I cherish this season deeply as it is always the beholder of new beginnings. For a few minutes, I thought I had fallen again into February’s trap; reliving old emotions, but hopefully I stopped myself.
I was staring at the other humans this morning; so agitated and yet a bit sophisticated. For a short period I thought I had her behind me. I turned my head to the left and then right, searching for her eyes. She has turned my mind into an infernal paradise. I know you wonder what that means, I do too, but it seems inexplicable. I did not get the chance to see that clumsiness of hers before. Her glare is an oxymoron; devastated and excited. Sometimes I try to put the pieces together, understand that controversy but I can only fail. 
Her body is curvy and expressive. She stimulates an eroticism that sometimes seems hard to avoid. She is everything but innocent. The fierceness she carries is well hidden behind an invisible mask. I would say that she is dominated by a demonic angel. 
She speaks arrogantly and with a lot self-centerism. Her words are exact. I felt them burning my insides, scratching the surface of my skin. 
It is the middle of the Aquarius’ month. The moon stays hidden, fearful of the dominating sign. I keep myself close to the moon as I know I must not fall into that hole again. I remembered Alice talking to the Rabbit: “I don’t want to go there again, it was peaceful in this jungle, don’t make me fall!”. I do not want to fall either.

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Chimera.

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   I would tell you that I never wanted to associate this song with you; perhaps I wanted at least that to be mine, fully, unconditionally. I would tell you that I am filled with guilt and disappointment; perhaps that is what I should feel. I would tell you that I am disgusted of your eyes, your voice and your way of treating things. I would tell you all these lies, I would keep you away from me. I would laugh on the idea that it does not worry me; I would laugh on your face and tell you that I do not care. Sometimes it seems so easy to lie but these mentioned above, it’s impossible to say. Harper Lee says that you never understand a person until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. I do not contradict to this theory but walking on her skin; I cannot do. I tried and I failed when I realized that I cannot feed you with the lies I mentioned at the beginning.
     It was a shattering morning until I heard her peaceful voice. The night before, I saw her everywhere. She was entering that pub’s door at every turn of my eye. She had her hair down and then up, she wore black and at some point she wore red. She wore all colours and had all kind of expressions. She walked in every time a woman walked in. At four o’clock in the morning the alcohol’s effect was gone. That door opened again but she wasn’t the one stepping in. I saw a brunette woman, wearing a bright red lipstick and a slim fit pair of trousers. It was then when I realized that she’d never come. I smiled hypocritically and opened my eyes. It was just a nightmare. I was staring at her sleeping next to me and after a few minutes she opened slightly her eyes smiling too. She was biting her lower lip while I was touching her below her waist. How could I lie? She has become a bitter-sweet addiction; a necessary evil.