5:30 pm.


She was pouring oceans off her eyes, forcing laughter to come out and clear off the muddy waters. I took her chick into my hand and let her drown. She was drowning beside me and I was thankful for that. My face lines were still steady; until one moment. We had swiched places and she was drowning into my eyes this time. The earth shook gracefully and I had to lift her up. 

” I have always loved your surname. I used to imagine a curly hair girl running on a marble path towards us, trying to prove she can pronounce it. I used to imagine us staring at her running towards our open arms. I imagined our home behind her and us competing with the world.” 

Saying all that was melting my insides. 

“She would pronounce it just like you”, she said. 

I smiled while my sorrows were learning once again how to swim.

In that moment, down on the road of memories, I found my mind being in control. I was terrified and at the same time, surpised of the accomplishment. It was easy to dictate my body’s next move despite the burning desire or the flaming heart. 

I was alright and at the same time, I was ruined. 

In my existence, I never gave hope such a great extension. 

I was giving a chance to another chapter. Life. And that was alright. 


Part 28: Tough Day


           If I have to call it somehow, I’d call it humanity. If I had to feel it somehow, I’d feel it as pain. If I had to give it away, I wouldn’t. That’s what I can now assume after such an exhausting evening. I was only sitting on a chair, in the open air but I got so tired, I’ve never been. My body was fine. My mind though was a mess. After a long chat, looking into a person’s eyes and “reading” his story, I realised…I don’t know what I realised. The conclusion is unknown. I only wanted at the end of this day, to meet the person I care about, hug him and feel safety just for a few moments. Because I know, the days to come, are tougher. It didn’t happened  cause he couldn’t. I’m not mad, just weak. He didn’t know how I felt so I can reason with that. However I needed him. I still do. I finally can say, I was right. Everyone who tried to convince me I can’t love again was wrong. Everyone who tried to pull me out of this road, doesn’t know me at all.
         If I had to name my fear now, it would be the fear of someone’s feelings. Love is hate. Pain is destruction. Both pain and love burst into tears. They drawn us all and full fill the planet with a bitter-sweet kind of water nothing can survive. I’d made them gods. The god of love and the god of pain. They’d have been married. They’d have two children. Hope and Fear. They’d complete each other. In my mind, that’s how our souls are separated, into parts. Today, I felt all of them. I only needed someone by my side to overcome them…That’s not how it was supposed this day to end.