A Journey.

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I am chasing you down the rabbit hole. I see shades of midnight blue and silver sparkling. I find it a vivid journey among the stars with only one destination; you. I travel through time and eras. I met Helen of Troy somewhere along the way. She asked me if she would be found by her lover but I hesitated to answer. I also did see Penelope. She wondered alone by the sea, praying to the gods to bring her Ulysses back. I carried the bargain of knowledge and wiped away her tears. I fell for Juliet’s innocence but I couldn’t reveal her the end. I saw a woman dressed in white sleeping between the dwarfs and admired her beauty. There was a fairy among them all who surprised me with her courage. She was tiny and green. I heard someone call her Tink and her cheeks turned scarlet. She loved that someone. Somewhere else there was a war. Poor Queen Mary had lost it all. I think I’ve encountered also to admire, the beauty and tenderness of Anabel Lee.
My journey was long and I stopped to rest. There he was; writing to his Immortal Beloved. I stood away not to be seen. Later on, close to dusk, there was a star brightening the whole sky. I tapped my shoes three times and flew above the seas. I got into a room filled with blue ink and thrown papers. He was standing close to the window bewitched by that star. That night I saw him writing the longest poem of all his generation had seen. I tapped my shoes three times again. I was back to my destination. He wasn’t just a stop along the way. I found him sleeping on the right side of his bed. There was a star lighting up the room. I smiled to my own thoughts and curled myself next to him. His skin was soft and warm. I embraced him with all myself and he kept me tight against his chest. I inhaled his perfume of a new born. I closed my eyes in a few seconds, smiling, feeling safe. I was back home to my one and only destination.

Longest Night.

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Holding thoughts, feelings, desires; it’s suffocating. It hurts; knowing that I can’t feel his arms around me hurts. I cry of happiness and sadness at the same time without knowing which emotion is dominating. My insides are hurting because they desire to see his sweet face, kiss his soft lips and lose myself into his mesmerising perfume. I wish I had him next to me now, loving me, watching him smile and kiss my tears away. I’m caught on that night, dreaming and dreaming about his body, his beautiful face; and the pain of him missing from me keeps torturing my heart. ”I panic at every thought of losing you and then I smile remembering your words, saying that you want only me; me, me ; and I’m getting drunk with these thoughts, having faith in us, in the future. 
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you my love. I miss you more than I have ever missed anyone. I miss touching you, kissing you, hugging you, and then I’m sad again and scared, for which life is not easy. But when I lose hope, you’re there, reminding me that everything is going to work out, and we’ll be together. Holding hands under the midnight stars.”
 I cross my fingers as a symbol of hope, wishing for your kisses to be my cover on cold nights; and then I count the stars where you are, asking them to take care of your dreams while I am gone…

# Suffocated #

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        Remember when we were kids and nothing bothered us? Well, I’m glad you do because we’re not anymore and everything can turn upside down any minute. I apologize for giving you the back-to-earth speech but that’s how it goes. No. I’m not disappointed, nor sad, neither mad. I’m all of that together. I don’t know how it is called. Maybe I’m just broken. Split into little pieces and I don’t really know where to find them in order to stick them back together. Even if I did, nothing would come back to normal. I am too far from that. I’m in love! Yeah yeah…This girl, this woman actually, is in love again. So, there is no normality here. Perhaps you should stop reading or stop taking advice from me. I’m driven nuts. I may also be crazy. No wonder what I still do out here in the world but they all seem to lock up the healthy ones and live us, the stupid lovers out. We are already too much. From Frida Kahlo, Elizabeth Garrett, Charlotte Bronte, Anna Karenina, Jane Eyre etc..to Beethoven, Shakespeare, Pablo Neruda and Diego Rivera, I can go on all night. All this mad people who lived through the centuries, why were they free? So they could write letters to each other and talk about epic love? Why? So they could combine the words ”love” and ”life” into the same sentence? Why? So they could become famous mostly from their love stories than their work? Yes I know. All this disappointing words! Who gave me the right to write them down, maybe publish them? Who authorized me to kill your dreams and talk to you about the death of love? Who gave me the right to name all those mentioned above crazy? Well no one. As no one gave you the right to turn my world upside down. Nobody authorized you to make me feel this way. Truth is, I’m stupid. I’m really dumb for writing all this disappointing and sad words. I let myself dream again for a little while. I let myself fall in love. I let my self seduced by his outstanding charm. I let myself fall into his warm arms. I did let myself kissed by the most attractive creature in this world. So, yes, as you see I’m mad too. Even if I can’t control my fingers from writing all those desperate words, I also can’t control them when talking about ”him”. I can’t control the flame that’s burning inside me. I can’t control my mind from thinking about him. I can only guide them both, to create a masterpiece in my heart. The kind of feeling that never dies. And I’m pretty sure they already did it. No guidance needed. He did it. He guided himself in, without knocking or pushing the door of my soul. It was already open for him. It always was. It never closed. So I think it never will. He’ll stay in forever, no matter what…

Part 15: Happy Endings

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They say movies differ a lot from life. They say movies always turn out to have a happy end. Only a few people like those with a tragic end that’s why they seem to be fewer. In my point of view movies and life seem pretty much the same. I’m not talking here about fictional or sci-fi movies. I’m talking about rational movies with everyday facts. Maybe the end in life is different but the story can be pretty much the same. During the centuries we have seen people die for each other as in Romeo & Juliet, we have also seen friends hooking up just for fun and then fall in love accidentally, as in Friends with Benefits. We have also seen people travelling across the world and reaching their goals only just because of love, as in A Lot Like Love. Old couples still loving each other after having a difficult time, years maybe, trying to be together, as in The Notebook. These are only a few examples of how reality may be just like a movie. I’m also sure that many of us have lived a great story, maybe worth telling, maybe not.
The beginning of a story comes with “once upon a time”. For me it should sound like “What If”. That’s because I deeply think a story should be written after grabbing every chance to make it successful, after trying everything to make it have a happy end. If not, well, then you’ll know you have tried everything so you won’t be disappointed. That’s another kind of happy end. But still, a happy end. You see, even if Romeo and Juliet died for their love, we see this story as a great proof that pure love exists. Even if their story was tragic, we celebrate it. The outcome was actually something worth telling to all the generations to come. It is pretty obvious that everything negative can also have a positive outcome. You ask; how is it possible to talk about death as a positive outcome? It’s not death I’m talking about. It is the story. It is the effort I’m talking about. The risk.
People are used to back down easily. They’re afraid to try. Of course, you can’t make someone love you if he or she doesn’t. I’m generally speaking about how we should not be afraid to explore the opportunities and chances. That’s all I’m talking about. Make your story worthy.