Between lust, pain and love there is a unique connection. As you know gentlemen, lusting for a woman, loving her and feeling the pain she can inflict you with is one of the saltest pleasures of life. But do not forget, that you might want to really live it if you dare to let yourself expecience it.
I knew that when I will get home from my short trip I would find her in bed sipping wine and words. I never imagined though that the view will be like a thunderstorm on a sunny day. I never imagined that I could feel my soul climaxing, ending and beginning, sobing and smiling.
I entered the room and my eyes caught her: almost naked, her left hand holding a burning cigarette, her right hand holding a book, a glass of wine leaning on her waist, one leg straight and the other bent. If that wasn’t enough, you should have seen her face and aura.
I took off my pants, I plucked the buttons of my shirt and leaned on my belly diagonally. I lighted up a cigarette and the world just unfold.
She wasn’t bothered by my presence. I was just staring. In a few moments though, my thoughts were coming out of my mouth. I began a monologue that her smirk interrupted a few times, her eyes blurred, her chick lines continued and her aura; oh, her aura just made my monologue seem insane.
She asked what I was thinking about and I just could not resist it. Words came out willingly.
” I would say I love you but that underestimates you. I would say you’re perfect but that offends you. I would say you’re the ideal woman but that’s just a classic.”
My soul was smiling and her glare was fixed and steady into mine.
She smiled. Oh gentlemen, you do not know that smile. Her lips separate enough to make your body feel the tremor; not too little, not too much. It’s easy to distinguish the line that colors that smile.
It is said that writers are very good with words. They can easily find synonyms and touching words to say in every case. Have you ever wondered how easy can they find words for their own matters? Well, humans will always be humans. Even if they are writers, philosophers, astronauts, lawyers or bakers, the difficulty to ask for forgiveness, say “I love you”, give another chance, is the same.
Many are those who can handle words pretty well and play with them to state a quote or give an advice but few are those who can actually listen, be listened and still say what it is needed to say. I’m not one of the few. I wish I was. I couldn’t stand up for myself when I should have but most importantly I couldn’t keep my mouth closed when I had to. The ” word game” is a powerful one.
Saying to a person what you really feel and bringing to the surface every emotion and feeling you hide deep down it’s not an easy thing. Sometimes it’s admirable, but how much can you admire a person who by saying all those things may ruin himself? It’s not always the case, after out ”apocalypse” that we’ll be told the same things back even if that’s what we expect. Sometimes the truth is harsh and many are those who can’t stand it.
Yesterday night, I talked to a person, pretty close to me and we had a quite tensioned discussion I tried to convince him that making love to someone with all the flames, tension and explosive feelings actually exists. On the contrary he tried to convince me that is wrong to believe in such things. I asked why but I wish I hadn’t. The answer not only disturbed and hurt me but also disappointed me. He started by saying that making love to someone, not just having sex, is something he denies to believe in as it can kill you if you lose that person afterwards. In two words, he can’t give everything for somebody because simply he doesn’t want to. It is something he’s afraid of living. He prefers living a life denying its’ existence. The truth is I couldn’t forget about it and I can’t agree with it too. I may be a dreamer and some day something like that may ruin my life but still, I prefer living on the edge than be afraid of love my whole life. If I become careless and stop loving how am I going to live? How my life would be? What would I win?
Two centuries before tradition put limits to people and relationships. You see; high class women wore long dresses without letting skin be seen and men were more of the “gentleman” type. Love was created; not born. There was this trade of souls. Fathers sold their daughters and mothers learned them from a very little age how to please their husbands Later on, things got a little bit easier. Not much. There was still tradition and ethics keeping people on the ‘right’ road. Finally reaching in the 21st century everything changed. Nowadays, based on this topic occurs a great question. Not easily answered. Actually, too difficult for today’s standards and morals.
Is it love or is it sex?
Reaching at an age that your blood is boiling and sexual desire is quite on the first plan it is not wrong to wonder what is left of history? Many of us, may claim that this always existed. Not only now. Even from ancient times sex was vital and every mistake made then, is definitely made now. You know they say; history repeats its’ self. In my mind, nowadays is different. Everything now it’s more rough.
There is love. Pure, itching hurting, “happily ever after” love. But also there’s desire. Passion, increasing blood pressure, magnetism. The combination of the two above mentioned might bring a romantic eruption of increased feelings which would unite two people into one. However, it is not how it is seen right now. Relationships are based on sex. Yeah! Tough but true. If it wasn’t about that, if it was about love, would relationships be more stable? As i’ve seen, NO. You know how in chemistry you combine elements, hydrogen and oxygen for instance, to create water. That’s how relationships should work. You have to combine both love and sex so you’ll create one thing, one person, one soul, one mind, one body.
To complicate it more, you can add friendship. Those three combined give us perfection. Of course, don’t ask me to determine the length of it. It may be for life or for a month. In reality time means nothing. If perfection existed nothing in the world can replace the feeling of it. So, it is not love, it is not sex. It is both or none.