I get wrinkles on my face every time I think of you but I don’t mind. Oh God! Why would I ever mind? The feverish feeling that you give my body hangs warmly on the shore of my heart. You are a breath of life and I wish I could inhale you every second of my existence. I drag myself to the point of collapsing into a deep black hole. There lie your deepest fears but my love, you should know I feel no remorse. I could easily drown into them, fall from the highest heights for you. I am in need of your lips as the morning grass wishes to be kissed by the soaked frost. I am praying for one touch of yours. I find myself biting my lower lip every time I see your face. Oh, those eyes! Brownish, frustrating and mysterious. They travel on my mind, stretching in every corner and your heart has made itself comfortable into mine. I feel no remorse my love. You should know. I carry you inside, heavily but oh; sweetly, deeply, madly, truly. Tonight I promised your soul I will dream of its’ master. My subconscious obeys to you. I am closing my eyes and you appear in front of me naked, undressed of your fears. All my heart desires is to seduce you. The clock hits 3 a.m. and I am suffocated by your lips. Such a sweetness. This kind of intoxication fills me with joy. You release your heat upon me, your body elaborates a toxic substance that makes me fall on my knees before you. I am weakened. No remorse. I am weakened by a decent dulcet feeling. They say it is love. Who are they? Do not wonder my love. They are presenting themselves as the guardians of my heart but do not fear. With you I let my guard down. I am yours. I am letting you guard my heart. Do not ever break it because it carries yours. This is all you should know.
Now close your eyes. Dream with me. Love with me. Love us. Set us on fire and inhale the heat we elaborate. Inhale our oxygen. Inhale me.
In the misfortune of summer I found an abyss in your heart. The soil wasn’t dry anymore. My soul wasn’t wounded. I gasp on the thought and continue pursuing my goal as your love is a motivation for my dreams. In the mist of August I found the lost child in me. In the still of the night I found your pure eyes shining bright and conquering my heart. Electric blues and radiant violets. You were that. You are that. You are an electric blue shadow of happiness and pain. In moments of unawareness, I panic on the thought of losing you. I stutter your name. Then I fill my lungs with the memories you gave me and hope rises like the sun at dawn. I misinterpret the dreams and tire myself with worries. Minutes after I smile. I am wondering how can you make me such an unstable person. You change me.
In the cold of winter I missed your body. I thrilled for your warm blood. I was craving for your soul. Now that the breeze of June is flirting with the cells of my skin, I feel an intense desire to kiss your lips. I dream of your colours. I dream of your electric blues and radiant violets.
The night is a friend again. I am hugged and lucky to be accompanied by such a beauty. It whispers me that you hug your pillow and turn on the left side of your bed. I am told that you are dreaming of waves and exotic places. I am delighted of the stories. People can be thrilling creatures when their subconscious runs wild.
”I do not love you except because I love you” says Neruda.
There are moments I split in half his poetic line. I do not love you. Because I love you. There are seconds I feel weakened by this emotion. ”This” love. There are minutes I love you more and minutes I love you less. Wrong. There are just minutes I miss you more. Minutes I wish I could touch you. When it comes to love, all minutes feel the same.
I grew up hurting. I grew up knowing you but now knowing you. I grew up carrying you inside me but not having you for me. I grew up knowing you exist somewhere without ever being mine.
Now, you are. Mine. It feels like I’ve got a home. Having your heart cherish mine feels like I’ve conquered the whole universe.
That’s what I saw that night in your eyes. The universe. A dark sweet infinity. You are present in my dreams and your eyes are as vivid as the last time I witnessed them. I stare at the world, out of my bedroom’s window, in the train, the bus, out of my class’ window; I see you. I smile in pain because I miss you. I wish time passed quicker. It ain’t. It is always the same. I am not. You are not. Every single day my desire is more powerful. Your wonderful words touch deeper my wounded soul. You make me smile and cherish life. I am thankful for your existence my love. I close my eyes every night and images of you run through my mind as a film clip. I see you in front of me and I smile. I jump into your arms and I can smell your perfume. So sweet. You take my hand, hug me tight and I feel I have no air. I don’t mind. Your love is giving me oxygen. Then we walk and you cannot take your eyes off me. Mine are admiring yours. I feel your feverish skin and my insides are tickling me. This time though, the pain is gone. I have the most beautiful emotion, all my senses aroused for you. We reach out in a motel and I shut carefully the door behind me. Suddenly my body is pulled against it and my legs tight around your hips push your skin closer to mine. I feel all of you on me. Your lips, your hands, your breath. We loved each other like savages. We were a combination of wild hybrids and hopeless humans. I needed you and you needed me. All of me was given to you in a majestic union of flesh and souls.
You pulled me down and my feet are straight, still feeling myself trapped between you and the door. I push you back touching your chest and you fell on the bed. I am observing you; the way you look, needing. I cannot restrain myself anymore. You intoxicate me. Your skin is attracting me like a magnet. I put your hand in my hand while your hips are once again against mine pulling me closer. I want to unravel you, undress you from your blue shirt. My mind commands and my hands execute. Your brownish eyes are glowing, turning into all shades of maroon and perhaps greeny. You unbutton slowly my shirt kissing every territory of skin that’s revealed. I feel myself burning on the inside of rapture or desire or need. Or all of it at once. I watch over the window the moon. She is there, present while I move my eyes to you and smile. My hand moves along them and touches your face. My palm fills with your left cheek. You smile too and drag yourself on top quickly. I am overwhelmed by your power, your eyes, your skin, your hands, your breath, every inch of you, your heart. I am overwhelmed with love. I have you for me. The night falls moody, fills the universe with darkness but you can still illuminate. Our light is not shutting down. I am letting myself pulled even closer and we become one. One infinite soul.