Mediocrity.

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It was mesmerizing. I can tell you that. The way Darkness was inhaling me was mesmerizing. I counted seven stars on the sky, a few humans around and the speed of the cars racing; infinite; at least in my mind. In reality, there was just a soul beside me, humidity in the air and a few cars running sixty miles per hour. But I did not want to see the reality because my surreal dream was so absorbing.

I went back to it and I began rambling again while staring at the spark of the lamp post.

We conversed about the mediocrity of the human soul; me and the universe. I had a soul beside me listening but my mindset was elsewhere. I was imagining myself on an untidy bed, a soul losing its’ mind into my eyes, between my legs.

Devouring a soul and lifting it up to the defining line of the universe it’s the most exquisite gift a human can receive. Keeping it on the ground, sane and steady, can cause the syndrome of mediocrity. Judging the corruption of the soul would be a great mistake if you do so gentlemen. Define happiness if you can though and you will understand what I am mumbling about.

Perhaps you’re not interested in my definition of it but I am free to state it anyway.

Devouring happiness: the liberty of the soul to collude with the walls of dispair while reflecting itself into the depth of a moment’s realisation.

The eyes, love. The eyes. Lose yourself into the mournful excitement of those eyes.

Mediocrity. Lose it. Give it up. Chase your soul to the end of the world. Do not keep your greatness intact.

Ruin yourself, stay still and feel the adrenaline of your blood. Now you’re not mediocre anymore.

But, can you do that?

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Habromania.

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She believed in nothingness as I believed in the universe. She is a peculiar creature and fascinatingly stormy. She was lying half naked in the middle of that bed, staring at me. Her smirk provoked me but I could not move. I was sitting beside her with a paralyzed leg on the ground and the other one half-hanging on the bedside. Her skin was soft and the hays of the sun were creating quite an intriguing form down on her waist. The curtain was covering the other half of the window. The view outside was as magnificent as her sparkling eyes. I turned to look myself on the mirror at the headboard; her shirt fitted me. It was as if I was wearing a part of her. Her glare was hypnotizing. She took my hand into hers and brought it close to her face. I approached to hug her cheek. She inclined her head towards my hand as if she needed to feel me. She blinked hardly and slowly; for a moment I thought she would not open her eyes. The smirk on my face transformed into a straight line. Hers too. Our thoughts aligned, we were both aware about the uniqueness of that moment.

We escaped from the mountains and ran to the sea. The sun had hidden away and tension was dominating in the air. Even the stars were afraid to come out. The universe was absent those moments; she was well dressed but her emotions were completely naked. She was overwhelmed by the sea’s agitation. She was looking at me from the driver’s seat; perhaps a bit lost or disappointed. I did not know what feeling was really dominating in that moment. I felt as if my guts had been filled with sand and I could not breath. I felt a strange need to feel the cold breeze on my skin. The sea was stormy and dark. I had to go back. She said nothing and with the same feeling dominating inside her, she took a sharp curve to get back in the abandoned city. I was still having that nod in my guts. I thought she wanted to escape; I saw her fearful and indecisive. I think she felt the world was not enough to run; words were not enough; her thoughts were disturbing and a continuous loud voice would not let her rest.

The universe had to intervene. She was forced to stop driving. It had no importance why. We were stuck there; on a dark night, by the stormy sea, no human life pondering around, just a few stars on the sky and the harsh sound of the waves hitting the shore. She exhaled madly. The sunrise was an impeccable show of colorful shades; the moon that once was touching the sable line of the sea had been driven away by the marvelous burning sun. The shattering silence had been replaced by minor worries and laughters. In that moment I saw the universe in her eyes. She told me that mine were filled with nothingness; I had hidden my thoughts. I suppose that the love I felt took a little bit of alone time to grow and then it would show up again.

…to be continued.

New Perspective.

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   ”Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.” – The Fault in our Stars

     That’s what impressed me today. That is what I will remember from the 7th of September. That and the night’s breeze. The empty streets. The moon and the stars. No soul would bother the noisy silence. I walked alone home and I felt a particular kind of fear pondering in my veins. There was no fear of darkness. I was scared of the world, the people who wondered freely and arrogantly on the sidewalks. I know I must not look back. That was the arcanum.
     As I was approaching the entrance of my apartment I felt the fear fading away. However, something else happened. Surprisingly, my emotional state changed and the burden would not get away from my heart. This time though, it was pain. It may sound surprising but I am relieved for having my pain back. I do not know if I should worry for my non-expected happiness for a bitter sentiment, but I must admit, it gives me a purpose. I can feel again the gap in my soul and now I know, better than ever, that I should find a way to fulfill it again. Perhaps that was it! That’s what I needed. A new purpose.
     Now I am thinking; maybe that is what we all need and that also answers a question which many of us have been asking the universe. Why life should have ups and downs? Is it suffering and struggling necessary for the human kind?
     There is a writer I deeply admire who claims that humans are the most unhappy animals. When I first read that phrase I did not give it much thought. He was right though.
      So I have to deliberate on that even if you don’t want to hear it. We need bitterness and obstacles in order to achieve greatness. We might be the most unhappy of all animals but except that, as the same writer claims, the human kind has the ability to create majestic and unimaginably things. We just need a purpose. 
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Craving for Love.

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Let’s be honest people! You love Love! Everyone adores a little unhappy love story with a happy ending. We complain, oh yes, we could die complaining about how Love makes our lives miserable, painful or (at some point) amazingly interesting. At the end of the road it doesn’t matter. When your route is over, at that moment when you have to point yourself into a different direction just because your Love had expired, there it is where you will realize that all you can do is fall in Love again. Yes, yes my dear Human, that is what you crave; Love. Even if you don’t want to admit it, you desire drama and epic storytelling even if you put at risk your weakened heart. 
     I never thought I would make such a confession. Actually, I never believed all those cruel heart-breakers who anticipated Love differently than I did. Perhaps they saw things more rationally. I couldn’t. Would you? Is it Love rational? 
     I would be sinning if I’d reject my own theories so I won’t. I will speak both logically and sentimentally. On the one hand, as you may have seen, people cannot live without drama and day-by-day struggling. On the other hand, the universe cannot exist without the romantic constellations. So there it is the explanation. Humans cannot survive in a world where Love comes without struggling and the universe is unable to create something of such greatness easily. The knot is done. All generations are pulled into this labyrinth, craving for Love. Roll the dice, get a player, build some houses, own some places, roll the dice again and take some credit for beginning again. 

Majestic Love.

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She was this nonsense creature, embraced with beauty and despair;
I failed to see beyond her face; looking deep into her soul
I failed to see her one true form; carrying wings she did it all.
I felt an itching in my heart, running quickly through my lungs
There was no air to keep me breathing; just a pain that kept me twisting;
He shot an arrow above my chest and her beauty won the quest
I forgot what my name was; and all I felt was Cupid’s love.

A tidal wave shot me down
I was the rock of the narrow shore
And boiling lava burned my soul
I felt emotions never felt
The ground was sore and my heart a mess
For every star had crushed my dreams
And brought a muse to sing me hymns.

The earth erupted in million pieces
As her majesty admitted her love
Our universe became a line
Parallel to all the above
And we slept eternally in our infinity
Never waking up to see our ends.